The Look is All Cas Can Think About
by jennette9298
Summary: Cas contemplates what to do after a night with Dean seems to change everything.


The look is all Cas can think about. The look Dean gave him when he unexpectedly appeared in his and Sam's hotel room. The look that practically oozed pain and disgust. Cas had tried to ignore it then, but now that he has time to think that one look conquers his thoughts. Cas knows Dean. He knows that it's a big possibility that what they had briefly shared could mean nothing to him, even though it means everything to Cas. He must regret their shared romance. Or was it simply lust?

Dean hasn't said anything about it, and Cas sure as hell isn't going to bring it up. He would just act how he did before that blissfully perfect night. Cas shivers slightly remembering it. The perfect way their lips fit together, Dean's trailing kisses down Cas's bare chest, Dean's rough hand around Cas's-

Cas shook himself. He doesn't want to remember that anymore. If he and Dean were going to act how they did before, then he couldn't let the thoughts of something he could never have again dominate his mind.

"I'm going for a walk," Cas says, excusing himself from the silent hotel room where the Winchesters are researching for the case they're working on. Cas leaves the room and slowly walks towards the woods next to the old, rundown hotel. Memories of the perfect night he experienced just a few days before creep into his mind.

"Hey, uh, Cas," Dean had said, "Can I talk to you about something?"

"Yes, of course. What is it, Dean?" Cas asked looking to the hunter who sat on the edge of one of the two twin beds, staring at the blank screen of the TV he had just shut off. Sam had gone to the local library for some research and wouldn't be back for a couple hours. Dean had simply decided to watch TV until his brother returned while Cas tried, unsuccessfully, to not think about his own problems with his siblings, the other angels.

"Well, uh… Damn, I'm no good at saying things like this. Cas, I need you," Dean had rushed out the last few words quickly. Cas's heart leapt in a way it had never done before meeting Dean.

"Yes, Dean. You have told me this before," Cas said simply.

"Yeah, well, I didn't mean it this way before."

"I don't understand."

"Cas," Dean breathed before quickly moving so he was standing very close to the angel. Cas recalled the lecture about personal space Dean had given him and wondered why it seemed to not apply to them currently.

"Cas, I need you in ways I didn't before."

"Dean, I-" Cas was cut off by the hunter's strong lips forcefully pressing against his own. Cas was surprised. He stayed still a moment longer before returning the kiss just as forcefully. His hand was soon entangled in Dean's hair, the other on his upper back. Dean's hands were loosely pressed against Cas's hips. Dean deepened the kiss and Cas nearly moaned.

He doesn't remember how, but soon both of their shirts were off and Dean's hands trailed down Cas's chest.

"Pants," Dean muttered against Cas's lips. Cas was frightened then; he had never done more than kiss anyone before.

"Unless you don't want to," Dean said noticing Cas's hesitation.

"I do," Cas responded truthfully. He undid the button on his dress pants and slid them off to reveal dark grey boxer briefs. Dean smiled then took off his own jeans, so they both stood facing each other wearing nothing but their underwear. Dean attacked Cas's lips again with new hunger and they soon ended up on one of the beds. Cas's underwear were slowly pulled off, then Dean's. Dean trailed kisses from Cas's jaw to his hipbone as the hunter hovered over angel. Cas had had a new urge he had never had before; one he was sure heaven would be ashamed of. At that moment he couldn't bring himself to care about anything other than Dean's lips against his skin. Dean smiled lustfully before lightly kissing the tip of Cas's-

"Cas?" Dean asks. Cas is brought back to the present by the familiar voice. Cas glances down at his uncomfortably tight pants to see a bulge forming. Crap, he thinks. He moves his trench coat to hide it then faces Dean.

"Yes?" He says, his voice coming out huskier than normal.

"Is everything okay?" The hunter asks.

"Yes, I am fine."

"Okay… Hey man, is there anything you to talk about? Like, about the other night or anything?" Dean questions. Cas thinks for a moment and realizes there is one question he wants answered more than any other.

"What do I do now?"

"Anything you want," Dean says confused by the question.

"That's not true. I need you to tell me. Do we go back to how things were before or are they different? If they're different, what kind of different? What do I do?" Cas asks. He's not used to being confused about what to do. He is a soldier, and he usually has orders.

"What do you want?" Dean whispers.

"I want you to never look at me how you did this morning. I never want to have to see you look at me with that disgust in your eyes like you did today," Cas whispers.

"What? That wasn't directed at you! Cas… I just don't know how to handle this. I've never been with a guy before. I'm straight. At least I thought I was. Now I don't know. I know I want to be with you again. I mean, that was great. And I wasn't lying when I said I need you. I love you and I don't want to mess it up and-" Dean stops rambling, realizing what he just said. He loves Cas? He hasn't said he loved someone in years, not since Sammy was little. But that was the truth.

He loves Castiel.

"You love me?" Cas asks.

"Yeah…" Dean mummers in disbelief.

"I love you, too."

"You do?" Dean says. How could anyone love him? He's a broken man. He's done so much wrong and can never do enough right to make up for it.

"Yes," Cas says, "I do." Dean suddenly pushes Cas against a nearby tree and presses their lips together. Castiel doesn't hesitate to reciprocate this time.


End file.
